So, I grew up in a pretty regular family. We were white, suburban, lower middle class. A mom and a dad and two daughters in a cul de sac. Of course, there was a bit of history before me, my older sister shared a mother with me but not a father and when I was seven (she was fourteen), she went to live with her dad. It wasn’t until years later when I turned twenty-one and moved to the east coast that my sister and I developed a close relationship.
But as adults we were getting to know each other again, a different dynamic than when I was young, and she was my ‘big all-knowing’ older sister. There were pitfalls we fell back into, as it wasn’t that I was a little kid any longer and the last she was in my life in this capacity, she was usually in charge. Our relationship has been the most complex of my life.
I view it as stages that we have gone through, this being the strongest and most honest we have ever been. And the weakest being as I was hitting the bottom of my addiction to alcohol – my downward spiral in more ways than one. I think complex relationships are at the heart of families. No two are the same, or easy all the time – every sibling relationship comes with hazards. I am happy that we have made it out to the other side. It wasn’t easy, it was messy and ultimately, it was worth it. I have hopes we will never slide back into old roles or habits and we remain honest always to each other, even when it’s hard.
The better a relationship can be, the harder you may have to work. But that’s what we are here for, human connection, sisterly bonds, and complex relationships. It’s all a part of life. I life I am grateful to still have.
